"One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much" Luke 16:10
As I have been waking up every morning, feeling guilty that my fellow house members have to wake up extremely early and venture out to their jobs in this cold, I start to feel that I am not being nearly as productive as they are since I still do not have a job.
But as I started to wipe off the mess off the counter from last night's dinner and fill the sink with soapy, hot water, I realized something.
The tasks I find myself doing a lot these days that seem "little" or "insignificant" to me are in fact, quite the opposite. When I hear the voice in my head saying, "Yeah, I should really do that. I know I hate it, but it needs to be done. It will take just a couple of minutes" I know that I should obey it because it is in all things that we are called to represent Christ. He told us:
"If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you." John 13:14-15
Many times my mind wanders off thinking about things that I believe God would like to see me doing, like using my musical skills more, serving the poor and hungry, going off to distant countries on missions, and having a decent job so that I can be more financially beneficial to the church. These are great aspirations, but I can't earn God's favor by doing any of these things; they are not what he is looking for. He is looking for minute-by-minute devotion to serving him lovingly and faithfully. This scripture comforts me when I'm feeling like what I'm doing isn't important:
"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A funny little poem
As I have become inspired lately in all things creative, I have begun to tap into my love for reading and writing poetry. I wrote this little guy today:
Flip Phone
I left the flip phone open
to the possibility
that someone
might call
I left it unhinged
like a door
open, not closed
an invitation
for whomever cares
to talk
If I leave it open
it looks like a reaching palm
outstretched and needy
welcoming any small amount
just a little will do
I am away for just a minute and
no missed calls.
Flip Phone
I left the flip phone open
to the possibility
that someone
might call
I left it unhinged
like a door
open, not closed
an invitation
for whomever cares
to talk
If I leave it open
it looks like a reaching palm
outstretched and needy
welcoming any small amount
just a little will do
I am away for just a minute and
no missed calls.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Novice gardener: waiting for my life to sprout
Lately I keep yo-yo-ing between feeling proud of who I am and then feeling disappointed in myself.
I have been a barista since I graduated college. I am starting to wonder, just like Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail": do I do it because I love it, or because I haven't been brave?
I know what I am worth, yet my parents say that I settle for a lot less.
It scares me that in one year I will have to go out in search of my own insurance plan. What scares me more than that is that I may need to find a job where I sit all day, chained to a desk and telephone, in order to obtain a good insurance plan.
So what do I do?
Recently I have taken a cake decorating class and I plan to take more. I would like to start sewing. I would love to own my own coffee shop. I may even want to become a teacher. It's just a matter of igniting the motivation and making the decision to stop thinking and start doing.
I know that I have so many talents that are waiting to be unleashed, like a seed beneath soil that no one sees until the right ingredients bring it to sprout. It is in the continual watering of the soil with hopeful expectation that something will sprout where I feel the most stuck. I am like a novice gardener: I become so discouraged when something I've tried has shriveled up, or I keep watering and nothing ever sprouts; I feel like a failure.
Sometimes I even feel lazy, like I am just expecting that things will fall out of the sky for me. I wonder if deep down I'm really just a brat from upper-middle-class suburbia who's never had to work for anything. It sounds silly, but I find that since I've graduated college, I haven't had to work hard for a lot of things.
Have I stayed in the coffee and restaurant world simply because I am afraid of putting forth the work of finding something different? Am I just staying in these types of jobs because I haven't taken the time to research what I may be able to do instead?
I may be suffering from a mild form of Peter Pan disorder because there is, admittedly, a part of me that doesn't want to buckle down and sacrifice in order to invest for my future. That childish part of me expects that I'll "get there eventually," as if it were to fall from the sky or I will "one day" find the motivation to change my circumstances.
But I also want to know where this desire to "find a better job" is coming from. It is true that I am not going to make a career out of being a barista. I would love to be able to do so many different things in life to earn a living. The problem I am facing is to choose something that will at least pay the bills and fulfill my basic needs so that I am able to do all of the things that I want to do, like learning how to decorate cakes and how to sew.
But is this desire simply based on insecurities? Am I just trying to appease my parents? Am I looking to be taken more seriously? Do I even want to be taken seriously?
The real question is, what do I want? I'm not sure I can answer that question confidently, but I do know that I want to "do the thing that makes [me] like no one else," a quote taken from the movie, "P.S. I Love You." In that movie, the character, Holly, has just turned thirty and is unhappy in her career. Her husband urges her to remember the person she was when he first met her: filled with ambition, exploring creative possibilities, and using William Blake's quote "My business is to create" as her life philosophy.
"I must create a system or be enslaved by another mans; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create." -William Blake
I don't want be somebody I am not simply because I am trying to conform to a standard that may in some ways, make my life "easier," like finding a higher-paying job with benefits. But I know that at some point, I do have to face the realities of living expenses. But I do know that whatever I end up doing, I have never been one to conform and I'm not going to start now.
I have been a barista since I graduated college. I am starting to wonder, just like Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail": do I do it because I love it, or because I haven't been brave?
I know what I am worth, yet my parents say that I settle for a lot less.
It scares me that in one year I will have to go out in search of my own insurance plan. What scares me more than that is that I may need to find a job where I sit all day, chained to a desk and telephone, in order to obtain a good insurance plan.
So what do I do?
Recently I have taken a cake decorating class and I plan to take more. I would like to start sewing. I would love to own my own coffee shop. I may even want to become a teacher. It's just a matter of igniting the motivation and making the decision to stop thinking and start doing.
I know that I have so many talents that are waiting to be unleashed, like a seed beneath soil that no one sees until the right ingredients bring it to sprout. It is in the continual watering of the soil with hopeful expectation that something will sprout where I feel the most stuck. I am like a novice gardener: I become so discouraged when something I've tried has shriveled up, or I keep watering and nothing ever sprouts; I feel like a failure.
Sometimes I even feel lazy, like I am just expecting that things will fall out of the sky for me. I wonder if deep down I'm really just a brat from upper-middle-class suburbia who's never had to work for anything. It sounds silly, but I find that since I've graduated college, I haven't had to work hard for a lot of things.
Have I stayed in the coffee and restaurant world simply because I am afraid of putting forth the work of finding something different? Am I just staying in these types of jobs because I haven't taken the time to research what I may be able to do instead?
I may be suffering from a mild form of Peter Pan disorder because there is, admittedly, a part of me that doesn't want to buckle down and sacrifice in order to invest for my future. That childish part of me expects that I'll "get there eventually," as if it were to fall from the sky or I will "one day" find the motivation to change my circumstances.
But I also want to know where this desire to "find a better job" is coming from. It is true that I am not going to make a career out of being a barista. I would love to be able to do so many different things in life to earn a living. The problem I am facing is to choose something that will at least pay the bills and fulfill my basic needs so that I am able to do all of the things that I want to do, like learning how to decorate cakes and how to sew.
But is this desire simply based on insecurities? Am I just trying to appease my parents? Am I looking to be taken more seriously? Do I even want to be taken seriously?
The real question is, what do I want? I'm not sure I can answer that question confidently, but I do know that I want to "do the thing that makes [me] like no one else," a quote taken from the movie, "P.S. I Love You." In that movie, the character, Holly, has just turned thirty and is unhappy in her career. Her husband urges her to remember the person she was when he first met her: filled with ambition, exploring creative possibilities, and using William Blake's quote "My business is to create" as her life philosophy.
"I must create a system or be enslaved by another mans; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create." -William Blake
I don't want be somebody I am not simply because I am trying to conform to a standard that may in some ways, make my life "easier," like finding a higher-paying job with benefits. But I know that at some point, I do have to face the realities of living expenses. But I do know that whatever I end up doing, I have never been one to conform and I'm not going to start now.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Grey
Grey seems to be the theme of my little life these days.
The weather is unusually cold for this time of year and the sky is always grey. My emotions recently have also been grey. I don't feel angry, like the color red, I don't feel happy like the color yellow. I hardly feel anything. I feel grey.
Events in my life have not been exciting or joyful, but no events have been terrible or traumatizing either. Events, or, lack thereof, have been just grey.
Grey is the color that is stuck in the middle between two colors that are clearly confident in who they are. No identity crises there. Grey chooses to stay in the middle rather than take a stand. It is complacent. It is unmotivated. It is content. It is stagnant. Grey is an undecided color.
That's what I feel is going on in my life right now.
The weather is unusually cold for this time of year and the sky is always grey. My emotions recently have also been grey. I don't feel angry, like the color red, I don't feel happy like the color yellow. I hardly feel anything. I feel grey.
Events in my life have not been exciting or joyful, but no events have been terrible or traumatizing either. Events, or, lack thereof, have been just grey.
Grey is the color that is stuck in the middle between two colors that are clearly confident in who they are. No identity crises there. Grey chooses to stay in the middle rather than take a stand. It is complacent. It is unmotivated. It is content. It is stagnant. Grey is an undecided color.
That's what I feel is going on in my life right now.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
My "Calling"
I read something the other day that stirred me. I read an article that focused on finding one's "calling" and it said that especially among twenty-somethings while on their noble quest end up never staying at a job for more than a year. Well, it sure seems like the article was talking about me.
What I liked about the article was how it persuaded me not to think of my calling as something that I will one day achieve or finally discover, as if it were buried treasure. There is no right answer to this question. My calling is how I choose to live out my life in my relationships, my job, my thoughts, my attitude, and my hobbies. All of the things that make up my life are in fact, all a part of my calling. Every day I am presented with different people, opportunities, situations, triumphs, and failures and my calling is to face each one of those things walking as an obedient child of God.
Food for thought.
What I liked about the article was how it persuaded me not to think of my calling as something that I will one day achieve or finally discover, as if it were buried treasure. There is no right answer to this question. My calling is how I choose to live out my life in my relationships, my job, my thoughts, my attitude, and my hobbies. All of the things that make up my life are in fact, all a part of my calling. Every day I am presented with different people, opportunities, situations, triumphs, and failures and my calling is to face each one of those things walking as an obedient child of God.
Food for thought.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
A New Heart
"Where is our tenderness? Where our love to
Christ, if we seek not His honor in the salvation of men? O that the
Lord would saturate us through and through with an undying zeal for the
souls of men." -Charles H. Spurgeon
As the Christmas season is in full-swing, I have been constantly reflecting on the very reason we celebrate with our family members and friends with food, laughter, music, and gifts every year. Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners--that is, you and me. It's an old story, but it's never tiresome. We need not think of it as dull, mundane, or commonplace. It is a story of how God so loved the entire world that he left his heavenly place--where he didn't have to experience hunger, pain, thirst, or heartbreak--and came to earth to be born and experience all of that, simply to die.
It is a grim tale if you were to look at it from a literary perspective, but the most vital part of this story is that it is a story of eternal hope. This season is about hope, for those who have lost it, for those who are still looking for it, and for those who even don't believe in hope. Hope has come.
What do I do with this story of hope? I know it to be true in my heart, so I walk around with a slightly bit more sense of peace than the average person, but is that good enough? No, I say.
When I encounter people all day--obnoxious people at the grocery store, customers who are a pain in the butt, making ridiculous requests in a whiny, childlike voice, co-workers who are grumpy, family members who like to push buttons and get into arguments--I tend to get very self-absorbed and view their behavior as an attack against me. As a result, I find that many days I have a brick-solid heart, closed off to any sort of compassion or understanding and I carry on with the mission to meet my needs that were so harshly compromised in those little encounters.
This Christmas season, I am asking Christ to give me a new heart.
In Colossians 3:12 Paul tells us, "Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." This sounds all warm and fuzzy, like something you'd see cross-stitched in someone's guest bathroom, but it is a tough request.
Then he says, "bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Bearing with one another is really translated as "forbearance," which is, by definition, "accepting pains or hardships calmly or without complaint."
This is the very core of the story of Christmas. Jesus Christ came to this earth in an attitude of complete humility, which was the entire removal of himself. I ought to live like this for others. I understand that is a tough moral code to live by, but he helps me, through his mercy, his forgiveness, grace, and guidance through his Holy Spirit. Even though I am a completely self-seeking, hardened person, he softens, he mends, and he gives knowledge and wisdom when I ask for it.
I want to start seeing people the way he sees people. I want to hear people the way he hears people. I realize I not only need a new heart, but also new eyes, new ears, and even a new mouth, for when I encounter people who need hope, that I may be Christ's voice to them.
As the Christmas season is in full-swing, I have been constantly reflecting on the very reason we celebrate with our family members and friends with food, laughter, music, and gifts every year. Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners--that is, you and me. It's an old story, but it's never tiresome. We need not think of it as dull, mundane, or commonplace. It is a story of how God so loved the entire world that he left his heavenly place--where he didn't have to experience hunger, pain, thirst, or heartbreak--and came to earth to be born and experience all of that, simply to die.
It is a grim tale if you were to look at it from a literary perspective, but the most vital part of this story is that it is a story of eternal hope. This season is about hope, for those who have lost it, for those who are still looking for it, and for those who even don't believe in hope. Hope has come.
What do I do with this story of hope? I know it to be true in my heart, so I walk around with a slightly bit more sense of peace than the average person, but is that good enough? No, I say.
When I encounter people all day--obnoxious people at the grocery store, customers who are a pain in the butt, making ridiculous requests in a whiny, childlike voice, co-workers who are grumpy, family members who like to push buttons and get into arguments--I tend to get very self-absorbed and view their behavior as an attack against me. As a result, I find that many days I have a brick-solid heart, closed off to any sort of compassion or understanding and I carry on with the mission to meet my needs that were so harshly compromised in those little encounters.
This Christmas season, I am asking Christ to give me a new heart.
In Colossians 3:12 Paul tells us, "Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." This sounds all warm and fuzzy, like something you'd see cross-stitched in someone's guest bathroom, but it is a tough request.
Then he says, "bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Bearing with one another is really translated as "forbearance," which is, by definition, "accepting pains or hardships calmly or without complaint."
This is the very core of the story of Christmas. Jesus Christ came to this earth in an attitude of complete humility, which was the entire removal of himself. I ought to live like this for others. I understand that is a tough moral code to live by, but he helps me, through his mercy, his forgiveness, grace, and guidance through his Holy Spirit. Even though I am a completely self-seeking, hardened person, he softens, he mends, and he gives knowledge and wisdom when I ask for it.
I want to start seeing people the way he sees people. I want to hear people the way he hears people. I realize I not only need a new heart, but also new eyes, new ears, and even a new mouth, for when I encounter people who need hope, that I may be Christ's voice to them.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Joy Comes In The Morning
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
I woke up at 7am this morning and always feel a sense of pride when I can climb out of bed and start my day that early. When I make my coffee and sit down at the kitchen table, I feel as though I have a large, blank canvas of possibilities for my day and I can't wait to start writing down all of the things I want to accomplish.
Mornings make me feel motivated. When the sun tickles the tops of trees as it peeks over rooftops and birds are tweeting in every direction it gives me an overwhelming positive feeling, as if I just got back from a jog (which I probably should be doing right now).
I wake up with this childish, naive sense of enthusiasm but then as my day unfolds, that enthusiasm gets choked and it dwindles down to nothing by evening. I feel like the cares of the world get placed on my shoulders with every hour, one little thing building on top of another: worries of the future, my bank account, my faults, my lack of contentment, etc.
I think the same can be said for my relationship with Christ. He explains our relationship with him as a seed--The Word--that is sown in each person and there are different circumstances that can either nourish the seed into growth or choke it and it dies:
"As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful." Matthew 13:22.
I am reminded this morning that I need to begin each day with the attitude of a child. God says that he has rescued me from death for all eternity, that even though I may screw up, that he is faithful to forgive, and that he loves me so much that he "rejoices" over me. So now I need to just believe it.
"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:17
This is not to say that I will just put on blinders and pretend that everything is peachy-keen because life, most of the time, is not. But I need to be reminded of how children are so quick to believe without seeing and trust without any skepticism.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1.
That is where I believe true contentment and joy lies: in faith. By having faith that God will carry out his promises and trusting him with every piece of my life, there I find freedom, rest, and peace because the control has been relinquished to someone else, someone who is all-powerful and all-knowing.
Now how can I possibly go throughout my day today with this knowledge and not be joyful?
Psalm 30:5: "For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."
I woke up at 7am this morning and always feel a sense of pride when I can climb out of bed and start my day that early. When I make my coffee and sit down at the kitchen table, I feel as though I have a large, blank canvas of possibilities for my day and I can't wait to start writing down all of the things I want to accomplish.
Mornings make me feel motivated. When the sun tickles the tops of trees as it peeks over rooftops and birds are tweeting in every direction it gives me an overwhelming positive feeling, as if I just got back from a jog (which I probably should be doing right now).
I wake up with this childish, naive sense of enthusiasm but then as my day unfolds, that enthusiasm gets choked and it dwindles down to nothing by evening. I feel like the cares of the world get placed on my shoulders with every hour, one little thing building on top of another: worries of the future, my bank account, my faults, my lack of contentment, etc.
I think the same can be said for my relationship with Christ. He explains our relationship with him as a seed--The Word--that is sown in each person and there are different circumstances that can either nourish the seed into growth or choke it and it dies:
"As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful." Matthew 13:22.
I am reminded this morning that I need to begin each day with the attitude of a child. God says that he has rescued me from death for all eternity, that even though I may screw up, that he is faithful to forgive, and that he loves me so much that he "rejoices" over me. So now I need to just believe it.
"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:17
This is not to say that I will just put on blinders and pretend that everything is peachy-keen because life, most of the time, is not. But I need to be reminded of how children are so quick to believe without seeing and trust without any skepticism.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1.
That is where I believe true contentment and joy lies: in faith. By having faith that God will carry out his promises and trusting him with every piece of my life, there I find freedom, rest, and peace because the control has been relinquished to someone else, someone who is all-powerful and all-knowing.
Now how can I possibly go throughout my day today with this knowledge and not be joyful?
Psalm 30:5: "For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."
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