Numb

Lately I have become numb to the gospel.

We have been in the season of Lent for almost forty days now and I can't say that I've reflected much on the very concept of my savior's precious and terrible journey to death.

Sadly, it is too easy for me to be mostly satisfied by the things of this world: Food. Family. Friends. A job. Money. Car. Activities. Fun. Good deeds. Fulfilling tasks. In fact, I am the worst example of a Christian you might find these days. I am a white female who grew up in an affluent part of America; facing true hardship is rare. The sad fact is, I have no need to trust God. I find my fulfillment in lots of different things. In fact, my life lately would look no different if I was an atheist.  And that's a hard thing to admit, but it's true.

American Christians, I believe, have difficulty in a completely different way than any other Christians on the planet. We are that man who, when Jesus told him to go and sell everything he had, he walked away sad. (Matthew 19:21-22)

Why would he walk away sad? Because it was the worldly things he put so much trust in and so much of his joy came from those things instead of simply being with Jesus and the joy he gives.

I admittedly am that man.

Oh how I long to walk closer with my savior, but alas, I flock to the things that are more attractive, more appealing, more tangible and right in front of me. Things that I can touch, see, smell, taste--these are the things that pull my attention and affection away from Christ.

I have become so unaware of his Spirit that is inside of me that I may as well be a zombie.

Oh, how my heart weeps for myself and others who do not realize that we have this precious, precious God who lives inside of us, waiting to have intimacy with us, to change us into godlike people who become doers of good and be completely filled with ever-increasing peace and joy.

Oh how I want to be changed from the inside out and stop living this grey-toned life.
Oh how I want my heart to be shocked back into a rhythm that beats "Thank you, Lord, you are my life, I give you all, there is nothing on this earth that can satisfy, for all I need is you!"

Oh how I want to discover once again the wonder of his face, the splendor of his majesty, the power of his grace, and the vastness of his love.

He gave his life so he could live in me.
How can I ever look to anything else to fill my soul?